Practical Advice for Parents

• Listen
  It is vital to let your children know that you care and are there for them should they want to talk about their feelings. Sometimes a child doesn't know where to start, so try to encourage them by asking pertinent questions, without making it seem like an interrogation. You might also try to be a role model by sharing your own feelings to start the conversation. Reading together books about children who have experienced loss can be a trigger to conversations with the child. 
• Use non verbal means of communication
  Many children have difficulty expressing themselves verbally. Try initiating a "conversation" through games, drawings, or puppet play. The child can then express himself while you are present and available for him. Sometimes just one hug can be more effective than a long talk. 
• Be patient
  Children cope with loss differently from adults. They can't handle extended periods of mourning, but rather move between grief and routine life. Try to refrain from passing judgment when your child wants to watch noisy cartoons or to have friends over. Remember, this doesn't mean that your child doesn't feel the loss. It may simply be his way of coping, which can be quite different than yours. 
• Help the child remember the deceased
  Like many adults, children may fear that the deceased will fade from memory. Devote as much time as necessary to talk and reminisce about the deceased person. Look at photos together, share pleasant memories, draw pictures. Plan with your child a way to memorialize the deceased that is appropriate for their age and interest. 
• Make it absolutely clear that the death was not the child's fault in any way
  Children often think that they are in some way responsible for the person's death by something they said or did. Even though this may seem absurd to the adults,it is imperative to make it clear to the child that the death was not the child's fault. Be sensitive to expressions of guilt feelings, and understand that this often goes hand in hand with grief. Don't hesitate to explain again and again to your child the cause of death, and the circumstances leading up to the death, if you feel that this is something that your child is still thinking about. 
• Accept help from family and friends
  In the period following the loss it may be overwhelming to take are of your child or children as well as of yourselves. Do not hesitate to ask family and close friends to help you out with babysitting, rides to school or any other activities that you feel are appropriate. 
• Limit exposure to upsetting images in the media
  If the death occurred as a result of a terror attack, accident, or other event thatmis being covered in the media, try to limit your child's exposure to such coverage. Frightening or graphic visual elements and images are geared to adults. Unmonitored exposure without parental guidance can be detrimental to a child and may trigger strong emotional responses. 
• Determine if your child needs professional help
  In the weeks and months following the loss your child may display unfamiliar behavior patterns such as frequent crying, withdrawal, a decline in performance at school, and bedwetting. The majority of children cope with their loss without professional help. However, if you see that your child is still having difficulty functioning on a daily basis after a few weeks and is overwhelmed with distress or expressing despondent thoughts, don't hesitate to seek professional help. The school guidance counselor may be a good resource to refer you to the appropriate type of care.

Top of page    Print this page    Send to friend