Supporting Others

Dealing with a traumatic experience can be difficult for the person who experienced the trauma as well as for those close to him. Family members and friends want to help, but often feel as though they do not know how. Here are a few practical suggestions that family members and friends may find useful in helping someone they care about who has gone through a traumatic experience:

• Be a sympathetic listener
  If the person who has experienced trauma wants to talk about what happened to him, listen and let him know that you are there for him. Support from family and friends has a huge impact on your loved one's ability to deal with trauma, and this is where you can be most helpful. Quite often they will want to tell their story repeatedly. It is very important to allow them to do so, even if you already know all the details of the event, or it seems to have gone too far. Repeating the story is one of the most important ways in which trauma survivors begin to understand what they have gone through. On the other hand, if they don't want to talk, it's not a good idea to pressure them or make them talk about it. Doing that may just aggravate the feelings of anger and helplessness that they are feeling at that moment. Some people need time before they can tell their story. In this situation, just let them know that you are willing to listen when they are ready to talk.
• Try to provide a safe environment and routine
  If possible, try to provide a safe, quiet environment with regular healthy meals and sufficient physical exercise. Return to regular routine including work and school is very important in the recovery process.
• Avoid being judgmental
  It is important not to get angry at the person who has experienced the trauma nor blame them or their behavior following the trauma. You need to understand that feelings of anger, anxiety or depression are incontrollable; therefore there is no point in blaming them especially when the situation is so difficult for them. In these situations, try to be understanding and supportive. However, if the person who experienced the trauma is exhibiting behavior that is violent towards others or himself it is important to turn for professional help. 
• Pay attention to abnormal behaviors
  For example, note signs of drug or alcohol abuse or talk of suicide or suicidal behavior. In any of these instances, seek professional help immediately. 
• Monitor distress levels
  Various symptoms such as fears, nightmares, thoughts about the traumatic event and complaints of physical pain are normal symptoms that appear in the weeks following the trauma. However, if these symptoms continue for more than a few weeks following the trauma and begin to get worse, or interfere with everyday functioning, refer them to professional help. 
• Become experts in trauma
  One of the tools that can help you deal with trauma is learning about the subject. The more you know about trauma and its aftermath the more effective you will be in coping in the weeks and months following a traumatic event. Reading books or surfing the net for sites with information on the subject is one way of reaching this information.

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